Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
