she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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