i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
