Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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