so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
