Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
