I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
