Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
where are my eyebrows?
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