piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
