Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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