Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
