apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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