Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
