4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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