accomplished twins. life is a go
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
