GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
