Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
