can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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