I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
