So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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