I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
