who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
