The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
