what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
