is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
