I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
