wrigley field is MILF paradise
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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