I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
