The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
