either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Operation Purity has been aborted
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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