can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
