Umm I'm too high to move.
my being single is dangerous.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
