My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
