It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
