Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the condom got lost in my hair
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
