How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
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