How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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