Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
