He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
