I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
