no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
