Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
