What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
