If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
