Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
