It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
