Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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