So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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