Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
