dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dicks are not precious.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
