U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
