My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
