If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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