wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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