How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
